Christianity QA » Christian Faith » Help, please?
Question:
This was some good advice from Wolf Spirit. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can share with you what I’m doing in a similar situation. My mother (who is very dear to me and with whom I am pretty close) has gone through several changes, all mostly within the Christian faith, but once on a path which involved a lot of spiritualism; but now she is fairly fanatical about the "true" Christian faith (which in her case is a pretty conservative one). That is, she watches a lot of Christian networks on cable, reads a lot of the materials suggested from these programs, goes to church several times a week, and is very involved with committees/projects in that church. She has been told by these ministers/teachers she watches and listens to, that New Agers are "evil" and "doing the devil’s work", and even believes that that beautiful book written by Betty Eaddie (sp?) entitled "Embraced by the Light" is somehow wrong, evil, not to be believed or read…well you get the picture. It would devistate my mother if I told her that I’m seeking a path which is not Christian. She loves me and sincerely believes that I would be doomed to eternal damnation if I do not accept Christ as my savior…She would be compelled to "save" me from such an end if she knew for sure that I was not Christian. So? You guest it. I don’t tell her. I don’t claim to *be* Christian or outright lie about what I believe. This is really not even necessary. There is much that we believe that is in common. We basically share the same (or at least close to the same) set of principles in life and are united in *many* goals. So I steer discussions to these commonalities and I save both her and myself a lot of grief by not being compelled to tell her exactly what my religion is. And since my religion is accepting of religions that differ from my own, then I don’t feel any need to "convert" her. This may not work indefinitely, but it works for now. Hope this helps. Peace and Hope, Donna Frances
Response:
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?
I did not read the original posting to this, but from the reply of Wolfspirit it seems that it is the old question of exceptance. Might I offer some advice? Talk to them. Let them ask you questions about your beliefs. When they are ready (and this could take years!) show them some of your "stuff" and explain the signifigance of the implements to _you_. In this way it should be possible to "acclimatise" your parents(?) to your way of thinking without the appearence of you attacking their beliefs. I think the last is the important factor. Maybe they think that you are attacking them and their God. It is up to you to show that this is not true. Most of all, simply love them for who they are. — Blessings and go with the Light, Xlnc (Lawrence)
Response:
Kerowyn, I’m not a Wiccan, (I’m a Vodoun we have an even worse reputation!) but I’ll do my best to advise you. 17 is a rough age on parents and young adults alike. It’s hard for your folks to deal with the fact that you are growing up, nearly fully adult in some ways. Religion is a touchy issue. You live under thier roof, that’s also tough. You have no income of your own and limited freedom as a result. Gather all the information you can. Scott Cunningham’s "The truth about witchcraft today" seems a good place to start, but seriously, gather all the written information you can explaining the religion and the fact that it’s not Satanism, etc. And give these books to your parents to read. Tell them the truth. Unless you feel ceretain that violence or extreme measures will ensue that’s pretty much the way to go. It’s the right thing to do for you, for them and for pagans everywhere. The more of us who come out of the broom closet, the more healthy and liberated a community we become, no longer at the mercy of landlords, employers and custody battles. It’s the best thing for you because hiding who and what you are feels lousy. XXX-The Gris Gris Lady. ps–I’m about as out of the broom closet as you can get and I’m raising kids of my own. There’s hope!
Response:
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?
As a mother, I know I would prefer it if my child told me the truth, instead of me havining to find out on my own. A lie hurts much more than the truth. Get a book for mom to read about wicca, Cunninghams "Witchcraft Today" is a good book to give to parents when trying to explain it all. You just might have to live with the fact they don’t except your choice in belief systems. Than agreeing to disagree is always best. You might have to just keep it away from them << ie keep you "stuff" else where, do ritual else where, etc until you have your own flat. Also think about this… forcing your religion on to them << making them except it is done in thier house when they feel it is wrong is as bad as them forcing thier religion on to you << ie dragging you to church . Try to find the most honest, peaceful way you can, after all you do have to deal with these people for the a long time to come. Wolfspirit
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I’m 17 and have a big problem. I’m Wiccan and my parents are devout Roman Catholics. My mother is beginning to suspect I’m not Christian and looked through my room. She found a page of a ritual I had completed the night before and confronted me with it. I managed to convince her that it was part of a story I was writing, since I am a writer and do a lot of sci-fi/fantasy and had just begun another story. I feel really bad about lying to her like this, but I’m afraid of what they would do if they found out. I believe Wicca is the right path for me, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to avoid breaking the "harm none" rule. If I tell my parents, I hurt them by rejecting what they taught me. If I keep silent, I’m hurting myself by not being true to my beliefs and having to lie about them. It’s a catch 22. I’ve been a closet Wiccan for four years, but my parents, my mom especially, are convinced it is some kind of devil-worship no matter what I say to the contrary. I’m so confused. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? BB -Kerowyn
What a position to be in, but life often tends to throw these little bombshells at you, Within the old sections of the craft, most craft people addopted a christion cover, outwoodly they would be christian , though not very religious ones, and inwardly they were of the old craft, it was not cheating, the craft would have died otherwise, there were to many people willing to burn you or your home down. Your family will be sad, that you do not appear to to be as intrested in their religion as you once where, and you can quite honestly say that you would like to learn about other religions, keep your word, study any religion that you can find, Hindu, Jewish, protestant, read their history and beleife systems, you will be supprised how much other religions including your own have with any of the pagan religons witch wiccan, or craft. Give yourself time , their is realy no rush, the craft takes many years of study. eventually you will find that though your parents cant accept the craft, they will tolerate it if you are not blatent about it.
Response:
Best of Luck and Goddess Bless- -Heron of the Dragon Path
*ditto* — http://www.iac.net/~ren/magifaq.html
Response:
If you are 17, you only have a year left of parental ‘control’. Keep that in mind, it might save your sanity. Also keep in mind, that though your parents are really frustrating you, they are trying to keep you safe, in their own way. They believe that since they are older, they are wiser, and thus what they ‘know’ to be wrong is wrong, and are only trying to protect you from it. I know, I went through the same thing (and am still going through it even though I am out on my own now). If and when you confront your parents about it, be truthful, and BE PREPARED. Have some phamplets ready, have them read them, and tell them you’ve been Wiccan for four years already (hopefully that will put aside any ‘you’re being led into a cult’ statements). Tell them that you know more about this that they do, if they do not believe you (they most likely will not), QUIZ THEM. I am serious, ask them questions, and when they can not answer, YOU answer. This shows them that you know what you are talking about, and that you are ok because they do not have to watch out for you. Right now, I am still fighting with my parents on this, they recently told me that they wanted my son to be baptised "just in case", and could not seem to understand why I would not do such a thing. So I am going to try and present it in terms they understand. I will tell them that they would no sooner dedicate a baby to Cernnunos to ensure that he went to the Summerland than I would dedicate a baby to God to ensure he went to heaven. This lets them see the problem from your viewpoint, by basin it on their own experiences (because they have no experience with the Craft, anything you tell them, unless couched in their own terms, will be frightening and alien to them). I hope this helps, and let me know how things turn out! Blessed Be! -Oarim
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m 17 and have a big problem. I’m Wiccan and my parents are devout Roman Catholics. My mother is beginning to suspect I’m not Christian and looked through my room. She found a page of a ritual I had completed the night before and confronted me with it. I managed to convince her that it was part of a story I was writing, since I am a writer and do a lot of sci-fi/fantasy and had just begun another story. I feel really bad about lying to her like this, but I’m afraid of what they would do if they found out. I believe Wicca is the right path for me, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to avoid breaking the "harm none" rule. If I tell my parents, I hurt them by rejecting what they taught me. If I keep silent, I’m hurting myself by not being true to my beliefs and having to lie about them. It’s a catch 22. I’ve been a closet Wiccan for four years, but my parents, my mom especially, are convinced it is some kind of devil-worship no matter what I say to the contrary. I’m so confused. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? BB -Kerowyn
Hi! First of all, even though you are living at home, your mother had NO RIGHT to invade your privacy like she did. That was a BIG no-no. But what can one do, when one is still "at home"? !. Buy a lock box to keep ritual items in. Keep your "items" or tools simple. Keep the keys with you at ALL times. 1a. Buy a pad-lock for your door. 2. Or keep your things elsewhere…at a trusted friends, hidden elsewhere in the house where no one can find them.(e.g. attic, basement, closet, etc…) 3. Your choice of religion is NOBODY’S buisiness but yours. You owe neither parent or anyone for that matter an explanation. Besides, why beat a dead horse? Sounds like your mother’s mind is closed on the subject. 4. Refuse to discuss it. They’ll get tired after awhile and leave you alone. 5. Take a deep breath & remember that "this too shall pass". You will be on your own eventually, and you can decorate your whole apartment/house with Wiccan things!!! *giggle* Good Luck! — Blessed Be, Wisteria Wisteria’s Realm: http://home.ptd.net/~wisteria/index.html "Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction."
Response:
I’m 17 and have a big problem. I’m Wiccan and my parents are devout Roman Catholics. My mother is beginning to suspect I’m not Christian and looked through my room. She found a page of a ritual I had completed the night before and confronted me with it. I managed to convince her that it was part of a story I was writing, since I am a writer and do a lot of sci-fi/fantasy and had just begun another story. I feel really bad about lying to her like this, but I’m afraid of what they would do if they found out.
Hi. I know it hurts. I waited 12 years to come out to my parents, and it wasn’t fun then. I believe Wicca is the right path for me, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to avoid breaking the "harm none" rule. If I tell my parents, I hurt them by rejecting what they taught me.
How does it hurt them? It might hurt their feelings, certainly. But do you do everything the way your parents would have you do it? I think not! Consider: if we applied the Rede in the way you suggest, we would never do anything that would offend another human, and we would live totally passive lives, never having opinions of our own. That’s not what being a Witch is about! That being say, I appreciate your not wanting them to hurt. If I keep silent, I’m hurting myself by not being true to my beliefs and having to lie about them. It’s a catch 22. I’ve been a closet Wiccan for four years, but my parents, my mom especially, are convinced it is some kind of devil-worship no matter what I say to the contrary. I’m so confused. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?
Silence is and has long been a key part of the Path. We have only the right to declare ourselves as Witches, never anyone else. And sometimes, in times of oppression (like now with you) we can’t even do that without repercussions. You can go deep underground until you can move out on your own. Or you can meet your parent’s objections logically. The first is probably the safest, but if you have the stomach for it, there’s probably more glory and good in the second course. Either way, good luck and blessings. — Jeffrey Quick http://www.en.com/users/jaquick
Response:
The Rede has some answers, I would also look at what is often referred to as the magician’s creed: The Dare, To Will, To Believe, and To Keep Silent. Secrecy about Wicca is no crime. If I were you I would keep quiet to your folks until you are either 18, or are no longer mostly financially dependant on your parents. Then, if you both love *and* respect them (as people, not just as parents) tell them. In the mean time, be careful. It sounds like your parents may be beginning to suspect that you are into magick & Wicca. Find new hiding places for your supplies, preferably outside of your house (in the woods, at a friend’s house (if you *really* trust the friend, and *their* parents are not a problem). Be careful, and try a warding/protection ritual. Best of Luck and Goddess Bless- -Heron of the Dragon Path
Response:
I’m 17 and have a big problem. I’m Wiccan and my parents are devout Roman Catholics. My mother is beginning to suspect I’m not Christian and looked through my room. She found a page of a ritual I had completed the night before and confronted me with it. I managed to convince her that it was part of a story I was writing, since I am a writer and do a lot of sci-fi/fantasy and had just begun another story. I feel really bad about lying to her like this, but I’m afraid of what they would do if they found out. I believe Wicca is the right path for me, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to avoid breaking the "harm none" rule. If I tell my parents, I hurt them by rejecting what they taught me. If I keep silent, I’m hurting myself by not being true to my beliefs and having to lie about them. It’s a catch 22. I’ve been a closet Wiccan for four years, but my parents, my mom especially, are convinced it is some kind of devil-worship no matter what I say to the contrary. I’m so confused. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? BB -Kerowyn
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