Christianity QA

Question:

Hi! Thank you for your thoughts.  I hope something good will happen soon, because i have just about had it.  We pick up my SS tomorrow (fri) wish us luck! Naomi

Response:

Hey Kim! Hope you’re doing well. We pick up my SS tomorrow (fri) we’ll see how this weekend goes.  I hope your mini-vacation helped you.  You seem like a very nice person and its always the nice ones who get screwed. Why is that? Chin up! Talk to you soon, Naomi

Response:

good luck. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Tn lucente wrote: > Hi! > Thank you for your thoughts.  I hope something good will happen soon, because i > have just about had it.  We pick up my SS tomorrow (fri) wish us luck! > Naomi

Response:

> Tn lucente wrote:

[Snip] > > She’s a religious fanatic, Who constantly lies. Ever heard of this?? > > She takes a bible to court with her and claims she only wants what’s best for > > her child, yet as soon as she leaves the court room, she already > > planning her next vindictive move.

[Snip] > > Naomi

Yep I’m living it. My SD’s mom and her husband are also very religious yet all they do is lie about us and purposely do bad, hurtful, evil, and unnecessary things to us.  They even seem to enjoy  this.  No one is perfect but too many people are playing church.  It’s easy to say you’re saved but acting saved is not so easy.  We’ve seen them in church playing the spirit filled sanctified role.  When she isn’t in church, she longer acts spirit filled nor sanctified.  She is too busy making our lives a living hell.  They really need to evaluate themselves and ask themselves "Are my actions keeping others from becoming saved?" During the custody battle, they even brought their pastor, his wife (who works for the court), and some of the members of the church to testify in her behalf. (My husband has some relatives who attend the same church as my SD’s mom and stepfather. Funny none of his relatives were asked to testify.) As a christian you don’t know who God is going to put in your path to bring to Christ.  I sincerely hope that they and others like your SS mother will change and become the persons God wants them to be.

Response:

Naomi Let’s beat the battle ex (haha) to the punch.  As the police to be present at the time of pick up–they are there to serve you.  I also know they will because my hubbys ex, told prepostrous lies and they came for her.  Damn we never gave her what she needed in the way of a scene. Make lots of calls to therapist, catholic social services (you don’t have to be cath). And ask if they know of anyone who does weekends or Fridays nights.  It will take more leg work, but with the right help, will be worth it and twice a month should help. Hang in there and remember to ALWAYS take some time out to be with just your hubby and not thing of this ugly situation. I’m with you girl

CKBK Go Spartans!! Yeah Michigan State!!

Response:

The reason I asked was because in some cases I don’t think it is out of line to call the pastor/father or who have you in charge and express your concerns about your children – in a subtle way – so that there is someone they could turn to or help them.  If it’s a legitimate church there would be someone there that legitimately cares about children and their situations.         There was a point in time when a caring and concerned sister of my stepson’s stepfather (BM’s husband) became pivotal to their custody. Sometimes a person’s sense of concern for the sake of a child will override misplaced loyalty.  Not always, but sometimes. Merrie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Tn lucente wrote: > Hi Merrie, > Thanks for your concern.  Shes involved in a christian church, but to be > honest, I think its more her than her church.  Whenever she gets involved with > a new "hobby" it becomes an obsession.  First it was drugs and alcohol, then it > was "Dating" through a dating service > (where the men came to her home and spent the night, No joke!, while my SS > slept in the other room) > then it was harassing her 3 ex-husbands.  Un fortunetly, she enjoys the latter, > and to be honest Merrie, I don’t think this obsession with destroying our lives > will ever end.  She been this way for 10 years.  She’ll never be normal.  She > is without a doubt, A sick Individual! > Thank you for your reply, I check this site everyday for some insight. > See Ya, > Naomi

Response:

In article <19981020010251.24931.00003…@ng156.aol.com>,   tnluce…@aol.com (Tn lucente) wrote: > Hi Guys! > Thanks for the advice. I do document everything and it takes up way too much of > my time.  We want my SS in counceling, but we get him every 2nd and 4th weekend > only from fri. 5:00p.m. to mon. 8:00a.m. When does a therapist work on weekends > and how much help would that be twice a month. > Believe me when I say that this child is in dire need of intervention!!! His > school work is suffering and he has no friends.  The only people he is allowed > to talk to are "Believers". > She’s a religious fanatic, Who constantly lies. Ever heard of this??

<snip> Yes. My husbands ex-wife is "deeply religious", which has nothing whatsoever to do with worshiping God. I mentioned to her that Jesus would want her to let us bring Amie, deeply troubled, runaway, yada yada, to live with us. She said, "I don’t care what Jesus wants me to do." It was at this moment that I realized I could never have any sort of impact on this terrible mother. There is nothing I can say, that you can say, to change the course of another person’s thinking. I’m new here, haven’t even lurked for a day, but I realize that I will find like-souls here, so thanks for allowing me to offer my support to you. Cheers, Sharon <>< ———–== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==———- http://www.dejanews.com/       Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own    

Response:

thanks for the advice. Honestly it all helps.  If i documented everything, i would have to quit my job and stay home all day and write stuff down! (Like she does).  My husband and i own 2 businesses, and we have a daughter.  We don’t have a lot of free time and when we do, we’re tired of it being spent on calling the police.  As you can see, i am so thouroughly repulsed by all of this. Our next scheduled visitation with my SS is Friday.  Wish us luck!

Response:

Gosh, I just read your original post, and boy do you have your hands full!. Iwas just curious about your life issues, so maybe I could offer you some support. You’re right you do NEED a vacation too!. All I can say is you seem to have a positive attitude and are able to be smart about how to deal with her. You also seem to be able to see her for what she really is which will only ultimately endear you in your SS and your husbands eyes. You hang in there too! talk to you soon. kim – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Tn lucente wrote: > thanks for the advice. Honestly it all helps.  If i documented everything, i > would have to quit my job and stay home all day and write stuff down! (Like she > does).  My husband and i own 2 businesses, and we have a daughter.  We don’t > have a lot of free time and when we do, we’re tired of it being spent on > calling the police.  As you can see, i am so thouroughly repulsed by all of > this. Our next scheduled visitation with my SS is Friday.  Wish us luck!

Response:

Just wondering Naomi…is she involved in a legitimate church? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Tn lucente wrote: > Hi Guys! > Thanks for the advice. I do document everything and it takes up way too much of > my time.  We want my SS in counceling, but we get him every 2nd and 4th weekend > only from fri. 5:00p.m. to mon. 8:00a.m. When does a therapist work on weekends > and how much help would that be twice a month. > Believe me when I say that this child is in dire need of intervention!!! His > school work is suffering and he has no friends.  The only people he is allowed > to talk to are "Believers". > She’s a religious fanatic, Who constantly lies. Ever heard of this?? > She takes a bible to court with her and claims she only wants what’s best for > her child, yet as soon as she leaves the court room, she already > planning her next vindictive move. > I cant take much more of this unfairness. My husband is to the point to where > he does’nt even want to pick him up for visitation because he knows the before > the end of the visit "She" will call the police and have them at our door for > my SS to see!! > Would’nt you be tired of her too?? > Thanks for the ear and the support! > Naomi

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Tn lucente wrote: > Hi Guys! > Thanks for the advice. I do document everything and it takes up way too much of > my time.  We want my SS in counceling, but we get him every 2nd and 4th weekend > only from fri. 5:00p.m. to mon. 8:00a.m. When does a therapist work on weekends > and how much help would that be twice a month. > Believe me when I say that this child is in dire need of intervention!!! His > school work is suffering and he has no friends.  The only people he is allowed > to talk to are "Believers". > She’s a religious fanatic, Who constantly lies. Ever heard of this?? > She takes a bible to court with her and claims she only wants what’s best for > her child, yet as soon as she leaves the court room, she already > planning her next vindictive move. > I cant take much more of this unfairness. My husband is to the point to where > he does’nt even want to pick him up for visitation because he knows the before > the end of the visit "She" will call the police and have them at our door for > my SS to see!! > Would’nt you be tired of her too?? > Thanks for the ear and the support! > Naomi

This does sound tireing, but soon the police will tire of comming for nothing and this will likely backfire on her in a big way. Michael Smith

Response:

Hi Merrie, Thanks for your concern.  Shes involved in a christian church, but to be honest, I think its more her than her church.  Whenever she gets involved with a new "hobby" it becomes an obsession.  First it was drugs and alcohol, then it was "Dating" through a dating service (where the men came to her home and spent the night, No joke!, while my SS slept in the other room) then it was harassing her 3 ex-husbands.  Un fortunetly, she enjoys the latter, and to be honest Merrie, I don’t think this obsession with destroying our lives will ever end.  She been this way for 10 years.  She’ll never be normal.  She is without a doubt, A sick Individual! Thank you for your reply, I check this site everyday for some insight. See Ya, Naomi

Response:

Here is my question for all of you: How come in this situation (the one described below) the NCP is not awarded custody?  I know that there can be a hundred (or more) different reasons, but this is a ridiculous situation.  I mean, c’mon, 22 times in court! Restraining orders due to being *annoyed*! I have never been to court, I am CP and CSP, so I don’t know what evidence a judge needs to be presented with to show instability in a child’s present living situation. Is it simply because he is the dad that the courts would be reluctant to award custody? Obviously, according to Naomi’s description, this is an unstable environment that her SS is being raised in.  All I can say is that I am appalled a court would allow BM to take the actions she has against this family. How totally destructive. Maybe I am just naive. mouth agape, *~shay~* – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Tn lucente wrote in message <19981018030816.01105.00001…@ng134.aol.com>… >I’m fairly new to this site. actually i’m very new! I am in a real rut! My >hisband and I are Very happily Married, and We love our children.  Our problem >lies with the ex-wife. (of 10 years!)  2 days after we married (2 years ago) my >husband was served w/ papers to go back to court yet once again.(He’s been >taken to court by "K" 22 times, 9 times in the past year!) this time requesting >that they change the visitation schedule because she did’nt want me picking up >her son for the visitation w/ his dad.( this boy loves me, and was thrilled >whenever I picked him up, she did’nt mind either until I became "Mrs. L") any >way, since then, we have been in court for everything from, she wants more >money!!!!!, to she wants full custody with no visitation to his dad (never >happened), to getting a restraining order against me for "harrassing her" and >"Annoying Her" (my presents is annoying to her). Mind you, She’s 31, and she’s >been married 3 times, and has a child w/ each ex.  Her marriages lasted 8 >months, 2 months,2 months.  She was pregnant each times BEFORE her marriage. >She is doing the same thing to all of her ex’s, and the same to another >step-mom.  I am desperate.  My step-son is in danger. CPS reports have been >filed on her by 2 of her ex husbands and She’s already lost custody of one of >her children. My step-son is 12. Her others are 8 and 3. >She always seems to "win" in court making us pay her attorneys fees, and all >she does in court is LIE! I’ll be honest, I do not care for this woman >(obviously) but what gets me is that my step-son is the only one suffering. He >is constantly kept from his dad and I and she calls the police and files police >reports on every ex all the time. I’ve about lost it, and We don’t know what to >do.I am not allowed any contact with my step-son and he is never allowed to >call our home. (she’s also moved the child 19 times in the last 8 years, and >hes in the 7th grade and he’s been in 8 different schools)  She constantly >threatens us with going back to court (for more child support) and she is >brainwashing my husbands son into thinking hes a "Bad Dad".  Please someone >offer me some help.  She’s on the rampage again!!!

Response:

I think it is entirely possible that the Dad could be awarded custody. My husband did, with less demonstrated problems than this.  But you need to be guided through the court system by a knowledgable attorney who has experience in countering all the tricks that the other side will play. I followed the story of someone on alt.child-support who had tried for years to get his son away from a druggie, unstable welfare Mom, but until he stopped relyingon the system and got a private attorney, he got nowehere.  Now he has custody. It’s probably wrong to make judgements, but based on the many grammar and spelling mistakes in the first post, I’m guessing they may nothave communicated their case very well in court.  An advocate more experienced in working with the courts might serve them well. Just an idea, SSM – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Wayne wrote: > Here is my question for all of you: > How come in this situation (the one described below) the NCP is not awarded > custody?  I know that there can be a hundred (or more) different reasons, > but this is a ridiculous situation.  I mean, c’mon, 22 times in court! > Restraining orders due to being *annoyed*! I have never been to court, I am > CP and CSP, so I don’t know what evidence a judge needs to be presented with > to show instability in a child’s present living situation. Is it simply > because he is the dad that the courts would be reluctant to award custody? > Obviously, according to Naomi’s description, this is an unstable environment > that her SS is being raised in.  All I can say is that I am appalled a court > would allow BM to take the actions she has against this family. How totally > destructive. Maybe I am just naive. > mouth agape, > *~shay~* > Tn lucente wrote in message <19981018030816.01105.00001…@ng134.aol.com>… > >I’m fairly new to this site. actually i’m very new! I am in a real rut! My > >hisband and I are Very happily Married, and We love our children.  Our > problem > >lies with the ex-wife. (of 10 years!)  2 days after we married (2 years > ago) my > >husband was served w/ papers to go back to court yet once again.(He’s been > >taken to court by "K" 22 times, 9 times in the past year!) this time > requesting > >that they change the visitation schedule because she did’nt want me picking > up > >her son for the visitation w/ his dad.( this boy loves me, and was thrilled > >whenever I picked him up, she did’nt mind either until I became "Mrs. L") > any > >way, since then, we have been in court for everything from, she wants more > >money!!!!!, to she wants full custody with no visitation to his dad (never > >happened), to getting a restraining order against me for "harrassing her" > and > >"Annoying Her" (my presents is annoying to her). Mind you, She’s 31, and > she’s > >been married 3 times, and has a child w/ each ex.  Her marriages lasted 8 > >months, 2 months,2 months.  She was pregnant each times BEFORE her > marriage. > >She is doing the same thing to all of her ex’s, and the same to another > >step-mom.  I am desperate.  My step-son is in danger. CPS reports have been > >filed on her by 2 of her ex husbands and She’s already lost custody of one > of > >her children. My step-son is 12. Her others are 8 and 3. > >She always seems to "win" in court making us pay her attorneys fees, and > all > >she does in court is LIE! I’ll be honest, I do not care for this woman > >(obviously) but what gets me is that my step-son is the only one suffering. > He > >is constantly kept from his dad and I and she calls the police and files > police > >reports on every ex all the time. I’ve about lost it, and We don’t know > what to > >do.I am not allowed any contact with my step-son and he is never allowed to > >call our home. (she’s also moved the child 19 times in the last 8 years, > and > >hes in the 7th grade and he’s been in 8 different schools)  She constantly > >threatens us with going back to court (for more child support) and she is > >brainwashing my husbands son into thinking hes a "Bad Dad".  Please someone > >offer me some help.  She’s on the rampage again!!!

Response:

It sounds like you need a psychologist/counselor to evaluate the child and his home life.  But your husband will probably have to pay for it.  This couselor will be able to present his/her findings in court and prove that a more stable home life is in the best interest of the child. Like I tell everyone…DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Best of luck. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Tn lucente wrote in message <19981018030816.01105.00001…@ng134.aol.com>… >I’m fairly new to this site. actually i’m very new! I am in a real rut! My >hisband and I are Very happily Married, and We love our children.  Our problem >lies with the ex-wife. (of 10 years!)  2 days after we married (2 years ago) my >husband was served w/ papers to go back to court yet once again.(He’s been >taken to court by "K" 22 times, 9 times in the past year!) this time requesting >that they change the visitation schedule because she did’nt want me picking up >her son for the visitation w/ his dad.( this boy loves me, and was thrilled >whenever I picked him up, she did’nt mind either until I became "Mrs. L") any >way, since then, we have been in court for everything from, she wants more >money!!!!!, to she wants full custody with no visitation to his dad (never >happened), to getting a restraining order against me for "harrassing her" and >"Annoying Her" (my presents is annoying to her). Mind you, She’s 31, and she’s >been married 3 times, and has a child w/ each ex.  Her marriages lasted 8 >months, 2 months,2 months.  She was pregnant each times BEFORE her marriage. >She is doing the same thing to all of her ex’s, and the same to another >step-mom.  I am desperate.  My step-son is in danger. CPS reports have been >filed on her by 2 of her ex husbands and She’s already lost custody of one of >her children. My step-son is 12. Her others are 8 and 3. >She always seems to "win" in court making us pay her attorneys fees, and all >she does in court is LIE! I’ll be honest, I do not care for this woman >(obviously) but what gets me is that my step-son is the only one suffering. He >is constantly kept from his dad and I and she calls the police and files police >reports on every ex all the time. I’ve about lost it, and We don’t know what to >do.I am not allowed any contact with my step-son and he is never allowed to >call our home. (she’s also moved the child 19 times in the last 8 years, and >hes in the 7th grade and he’s been in 8 different schools)  She constantly >threatens us with going back to court (for more child support) and she is >brainwashing my husbands son into thinking hes a "Bad Dad".  Please someone >offer me some help.  She’s on the rampage again!!!

Response:

I’m a bit confused.  I know, first hand of the bias incourts against men, but still, the plaintiff (ex) has the burden of proof put on her. What kind o f proof does she have. OK in the meantime, PROTECT YOURSELF! 1)keep a record. Date, time, witnesses and write down what happened.  At the end of every week/month send a copy to the Friend of the Court to put in your file.  Be consistent and as nuetral as possible. 2) ANy conversations with ex in regard to child should be confirmed in writing with her CC: FOC 3) Get a copy of all police reports and write you own addendum.  They have to include them.  Send to FOC 4)Whenever visitation is denied, get a polic report, send to FOC 5) Have as little contact as possible with her.  Keep everything as a business arrangement. 6) Meet with FOC, ask for mediations. 7)Be in contact with SS teachers, rel. instructors, scout leaders… 8)Be willing to fight whats right.  Perhaps it’s time for you to fight for custody.  If nothing else but to offer the boy a future. Some people may flame me for the above but this protected us.  The courts got to know us–because we flooded them with paperwork and our life–and they knew the lies were just that.  You have nothing to lose by trying.

CKBK Go Spartans!! Yeah Michigan State!!

Response:

Hi Guys! Thanks for the advice. I do document everything and it takes up way too much of my time.  We want my SS in counceling, but we get him every 2nd and 4th weekend only from fri. 5:00p.m. to mon. 8:00a.m. When does a therapist work on weekends and how much help would that be twice a month. Believe me when I say that this child is in dire need of intervention!!! His school work is suffering and he has no friends.  The only people he is allowed to talk to are "Believers". She’s a religious fanatic, Who constantly lies. Ever heard of this?? She takes a bible to court with her and claims she only wants what’s best for her child, yet as soon as she leaves the court room, she already planning her next vindictive move. I cant take much more of this unfairness. My husband is to the point to where he does’nt even want to pick him up for visitation because he knows the before the end of the visit "She" will call the police and have them at our door for my SS to see!! Would’nt you be tired of her too?? Thanks for the ear and the support! Naomi

Response:

I’m fairly new to this site. actually i’m very new! I am in a real rut! My hisband and I are Very happily Married, and We love our children.  Our problem lies with the ex-wife. (of 10 years!)  2 days after we married (2 years ago) my husband was served w/ papers to go back to court yet once again.(He’s been taken to court by "K" 22 times, 9 times in the past year!) this time requesting that they change the visitation schedule because she did’nt want me picking up her son for the visitation w/ his dad.( this boy loves me, and was thrilled whenever I picked him up, she did’nt mind either until I became "Mrs. L") any way, since then, we have been in court for everything from, she wants more money!!!!!, to she wants full custody with no visitation to his dad (never happened), to getting a restraining order against me for "harrassing her" and "Annoying Her" (my presents is annoying to her). Mind you, She’s 31, and she’s been married 3 times, and has a child w/ each ex.  Her marriages lasted 8 months, 2 months,2 months.  She was pregnant each times BEFORE her marriage. She is doing the same thing to all of her ex’s, and the same to another step-mom.  I am desperate.  My step-son is in danger. CPS reports have been filed on her by 2 of her ex husbands and She’s already lost custody of one of her children. My step-son is 12. Her others are 8 and 3. She always seems to "win" in court making us pay her attorneys fees, and all she does in court is LIE! I’ll be honest, I do not care for this woman (obviously) but what gets me is that my step-son is the only one suffering. He is constantly kept from his dad and I and she calls the police and files police reports on every ex all the time. I’ve about lost it, and We don’t know what to do.I am not allowed any contact with my step-son and he is never allowed to call our home. (she’s also moved the child 19 times in the last 8 years, and hes in the 7th grade and he’s been in 8 different schools)  She constantly threatens us with going back to court (for more child support) and she is brainwashing my husbands son into thinking hes a "Bad Dad".  Please someone offer me some help.  She’s on the rampage again!!!

Response:

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